Tuesday October 28, 2008

 

I started on a higher dose of Namenda today. 15-mg. Will do this for 1 month then go up to 20-mg daily. So far I like this med and am very impressed with it. After hearing so many people talking about the side-effects their loved ones have, I am indeed fortunate. Thank you, Dear Lord!

Am feeling well but want to remind myself when I read this down the road about yesterday. The National News last night mentioned ‘Groundhog Day‘ as a metaphor to the economy on Wall Street. Very seriously, I immediately said to Pam, “That anchorman just made a mistake. Ground Hog Day is in February and it isn’t on Wall Street. It originated right here in PA not far from us in Punxsutawney. I can’t believe that the news has the season and place all mixed up.” She was kind and gentle stating, “Honey, he was talking about Wall Street….” and proceeded to explain it to me. For the life of me, I just didn’t get it.

Actually, I kinda have to laugh but it’s also scary. I’ve also been witty and have loved parables and metaphors. When I taught in high school, in college and in medical schools, one of my top methods of teaching was using parables. What has my brain come to? But I’m still happy with what I have and I’ll keep plugging along.

“I was dying. Somewhere. Confused and disoriented. Nurses and doctors rushing me to somewhere. Oh, I was in a hospital somewhere. Somewhere. On a gurney. Lucidity and Lewy Body land engulfed me while I was trying to sit up. And then I heard it. The metallic reverberation of a jail cell opening and closing. Looking behind me, I see prisoners in shackles. All males. Adults, adolescents and young boys. All in handcuffs. All in a single line slowly walking through the jail door. The younger boys not even knowing what was happening…snickering and grinning with cocky attitudes. Those poor kids, I thought. “Hurry, she said.” The sound of the nurse hollering while charging through with the gurney. “I’m so confused.” That thought echoed through my mind over and over. And I’m dying.”

I awakened in a state of befuddlement. Dazed. Feeling like I was fading away. All at the same time that I realized I had been dreaming. I tried to get out of bed so I wouldn’t go back to sleep and continue the dream. But I could hardly move. I really did feel confused and disoriented and yet the normal part of my brain was trying to figure out what the dream meant –all at the same time. I walked to the bathroom and thought I was in a hospital room. I couldn’t shake that awful feeling this morning. I couldn’t wait for that cup of java as I shuffled out to the kitchen. That’s when Pam reminded me that we were both going for blood work this morning and that I was fasting. Bummer. I was slowly coming alive. I couldn’t shake it though. It lingered for hours. I don’t even remember that needle going into my vein. Oh, yea. It was just a test for triglycerides. The Niaspan is working. Let’s hope those numbers have dropped even more. When we arrived home, I felt absolutely fine. Go figure because I can’t figure it out. Won’t even try tonight. But it’s OK. I’m greatful for the day and for what I do have.

Pam, I feel sorry for you sometimes. Having to deal with my changing states of confusion yet being so loving and kind. Thank you.

And now off to bed……………………..David

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3 Responses

  1. David, as I read your journal..the inside of LBD, I keep thinking that this is what my Dear One would be doing..if he could still communicate from that inner perspective. In a very basic way I feel more connected to him through you. blessings, marjorie

  2. Marjorie……..I think you could be right. All of us are human and have very similar emotions. I’m glad the blog helps you to feel more connected with your Dear One. This will motivate me to continue writing the blog….just knowing that others may find some peace and comfort.

    David

  3. David,

    Your horrible dreams, and your inability to understand sometimes — both of those were and are characteristics of what my mom has gone through. Although it is so awful, yet in some sense it is comforting to see the similarity. Does that make any sense?

    Linda Gurganus

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