Swallow This! Bittersweet Memory Pills


pill-bottleThis week I had three very good days in a row. So good that I overblogged on those days. Pam even said, “You’re spending a lot of time on the computer. Why don’t you take a break?” I felt well. So well that on this past Wednesday evening I began to ponder whether I really needed to take all these ‘memory pills.’ ‘Dementia pills.’ Nothing wrong with me. I don’t think I need to take them. I could go to work again. On those days you feel poorly, kick yourself a good one and get going. It’s all in your head (oops, excuse the pun).

So I mentioned it to Pam. A good mistake, I guess. Talking about tough love! The earth shook. The dogs barked. And the wind blew. I ended up stammering, “Yes, yes. I’ll take them and no, I didn’t stop taking them. I swear to God with both hands on the Bible.” Caregivers……..tough love does work!  My red face grin.  icon_redface

Later that evening, Chad said goodnight to which I responded, “I hope you don’t die tonight.” In my heart, I was trying and meaning to say, “OK. You have a good night and sleep well.” I walked into the bedroom. Again the earth shook. Pam told me how inappropriate my comment to Chad was. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

Evidence of lacking good judgment twice within hours of each other. Before going to bed, she said, “You really did stop your medicine, didn’t you?” I had to convince her that I didn’t. Whether it was poor judgment, word or phrase finding difficulty or just plain not thinking, it wasn’t the read David. Pam reminded me of my past couple of years and the symptoms I’ve shown. She reminded me of my abnormal SPECT scan.

And then the next morning — Thursday. I awakened having slept poorly. I was in a fog and feeling fuzzy. My gait was a little stiff and slow. Good morning, Lewy Body Dementia. I see you’re back. Reality smacked me in the face! With no sarcasm at all, Pam said, “Do you still want to go off the Namenda and Aricept?” I had no retort……..



3 Responses

  1. Sending you and your dear wife a big (((((HUG)))))). I remember Mom saying things that were “inappropriate”, but sometimes they were downright funny and she’d look at me and say “Did I say what I thought I said?” and we’d laugh so………

    I remember the closet being the place where her towels “mate” I told her I’d have no mating in closets in this house and we both laughed so hard we cried. Hang on to your sense of humor. It will get you through.

  2. Dear David and Pam,
    Thank goodness for the good days. I read your blog, and I do feel your pain. You are upbeat, humorous and a great guy with a wonderful wife.
    I wish things were different, but they aren’t. And we have to learn to cope. That is the hardest part.
    I journaled, I wrote my thoughts and emotions on the page, because we had to keep the Alzheimer’s Disease a secret. But we were the lucky ones, they changed the diagnosis after seven years.
    There were days that were confused, funny, no funny. There were days I wondered how I would be able to smile, and then there were wonderful days, full of love and kisses, touches and rubs.
    I wish things were different for you.
    I’m trying to get everyone to learn about my Adopt A Caregiver program. Every caregiver should have someone to talk to, to vent to, just to be a friend.
    Keep love and kisses in your life. Helene
    One question. How in the world can you concentrate on knitting a pattern. I have Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia, and I can’t concentrate on a pattern.
    As a doctor, you might find this inter4esting. I had a Hepatitis shot, and for the last 8 weeek, I have been almost non functioning with Chronic Fatigue…my immune system, such as it is, is either trying to fight the Hep A shot, or it closes in on itself. I’ve had 2 flu shots, and 2 Pneumonia’s after them…no more shots for me.

  3. Funny how your reaction to feeling better made you think you should go off of the pills. I understand that is the reaction many who are bi-polor do. Funny how similar you thought processes are in taking medicine.

    Yes caregivers do need to have someone to talk to, to share with. Sometimes people forget that.

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