Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog. While in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?  So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.  I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


6 Responses

  1. This brought tears to my eyes!!! What a great story!!! Thanks for the laugh I needed it today.

  2. Hello David,

    Oh, I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. I just love this.

  3. Dear David,
    The laughter just FLEW out of my mouth!!!!!! That is awesome! Costco should give you a prize!!!!
    Glad to see you are doing well!

  4. Hey, David! Thanks for a laugh that I REALLY needed today! I don´t know if you are going to read this; I’ve been late in reading my mail and just saw it today. It’s been a hard week for me and my spirit was dragging. I hope your sense of humor will restore my sanity and encourage me to smile a little more today.
    Thank you!

  5. O M G I laughed so hard I thought i was going to pee
    It reminded me of my Dad, That is something he would have done when he was alive

  6. I Thought that was soooo funny….

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