NEVER List for Caregivers

I’m not sure where I read this. Perhaps it was from an email, from  one of the comments on the blog or from a forum. However, it is worth repeating. I take no credit for it.

"As a caregiver I know first hand how important it is to avoid aggravating, agitating, confusing or making demands on my loved one.  The lbd forum is a good place for more insights." 

I repeat the NEVER list from that source.

1. Never "argue", instead "agree"

2. Never "reason", instead "divert"

3. Never "shame", instead "distract"

4. Never "lecture", instead "reassure"

5. Never "remember", instead "reminisce"

6. Never "I told you", instead "repeat"

7. Never "you can’t", instead "do what you can"

8. Never "command or demand", instead "ask or maybe"

9. Never "condescend", instead "encourage or praise"

10. Never "force", instead "reinforce"

John 15:5,8 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

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6 Responses

  1. This is constantly worth repeating! As the caregiver to my father, who was never an easy man to live with, I find this the “smartest 10 list” anywhere regarding LBD or even parenting! Thanks for the reminder.

  2. This is an excellent representation of how the slightest shift in attitude or speech can make a huge different. Thanks for posting this article!

  3. Great word replacers Dave. If you can find/think of somemore, have a specific link, please post them. I need all the help I can get. My husband usually uses the first words…….:(

    Keep pressing those stars, seems can’t get past 3-4 so don’t know if coming through or not…..Always love your blogs, to rate high in my book!

  4. Excellent. Am going to save these and print them. This is so true, and we need reminding often. Thanks for posting this.

  5. I’ve just watched part one of a two-part BBC programme on dementia care. Gerry Robinson, a senior UK business manager, is looking at care homes for people with dementia, trying to work out how to make them better, and contrasting the good with the bad.

    For anyone interested in how best to care for someone with dementia programme 1 introduces useful, if basic, ideas such as don’t ignore the person when they ask for something, involve them in helpful activity, have one-to-one communication with them.

    The first programme will be available to view until Monday in the UK at

    I’m not sure whether it is available to internet users in other countries.

    I am a fan of Gerry Robinson – he did a series of programmes on improving the NHS some time ago. I shall certainly watch programme 2 next Tuesday.

    Sorry this comment doesn’t relate specifically to your post, David, but I couldn’t think of another way to bring the programme to your readers’ attention.

  6. Thanks for the reminder. I’ll try to read this every morning. Excellent list.

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