It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. It started when Pam was going to the many Drs. for her chronic pain back in December. We ended up seeing a second neurosurgeon in Pittsburgh. During the appointment he arranged for her to see two other Docs on the very same day. She also saw an orthopedic surgeon for injections after both shoulder MRIs showed abnormalities. I sat there listening to him tell us what the MRI showed and to this day I don’t have a clue as to what he said. Feels like a blackout. She has to go back to Pittsburgh for more tests but we’ll have to winter it out. The cold and snow is a little to much for her.
I seem to have more apathy and loss of drive and motivation. I’ve always been an overachiever and highly self-motivated. That seems to have disappeared. Ironically, I’ve actually lost a lot of concern over being apathetic. And I’ve very fine without going out. I feel too comfortable staying in and just knit and read email and web surf. I guess it’s called social withdrawal. But, ironically, I’m happy and not depressed at all.
Pam notices some behavioral changes like inappropriate social things. I had my allergy shot on Monday. She said I didn’t recognize the usual allergy patients in the waiting room and that I was swearing. Definitely out of character for me. But I have no shame. A new thing for me. It’s as though I have less impulse control and am less inhibited.
The other week I had a very irresistible urge to inappropriately touch one of the nurses who was taking Pam’s blood pressure. It was so strong I almost had to get up and walk away. Part of me didn’t care but another small part said it would be hard for Pam. It wasn’t a manic type of thing either.
I’ve also noticed that I’m starting to repeat things that I hear on TV. No voices, not thinking the TV is talking to me. Just repeating lines or sentences of what people say. Very strange to describe.
I’m not quite sure what all of this means. And I haven’t given up at all. Just writing out some of my observations.
Pam has gone through some more pain medication changes. She developed a severe allergic reaction to two of the drugs which previously helped her. Both were severe enough that we were ready to use the Epi-Pen and take her to the ER. She took some Benadryl which finally helped.
I feel so frastruted because I can’t help make her pain go away. We still have to see the physiatrist yet. So maybe he’ll come up with something.