Update on Pam and Some Observations

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. It started when Pam was going to the many Drs. for her chronic pain back in December. We ended up seeing a second neurosurgeon in Pittsburgh. During the appointment he arranged for her to see two other Docs on the very same day. She also saw an orthopedic surgeon for injections after both shoulder MRIs showed abnormalities. I sat there listening to him tell us what the MRI showed and to this day I don’t have a clue as to what he said. Feels like a blackout. She has to go back to Pittsburgh for more tests but we’ll have to winter it out. The cold and snow is a little to much for her.

I seem to have more apathy and loss of drive and motivation. I’ve always been an overachiever and highly self-motivated. That seems to have disappeared. Ironically, I’ve actually lost a lot of concern over being apathetic. And I’ve very fine without going out. I feel too comfortable staying in and just knit and read email and web surf. I guess it’s called social withdrawal. But, ironically, I’m happy and not depressed at all.

Pam notices some behavioral changes like inappropriate social things. I had my allergy shot on Monday. She said I didn’t recognize the usual allergy patients in the waiting room and that I was swearing. Definitely out of character for me. But I have no shame. A new thing for me. It’s as though I have less impulse control and am less inhibited.

The other week I had a very irresistible urge to inappropriately touch one of the nurses who was taking Pam’s blood pressure. It was so strong I almost had to get up and walk away. Part of me didn’t care but another small part said it would be hard for Pam. It wasn’t a manic type of thing either.

I’ve also noticed that I’m starting to repeat things that I hear on TV. No voices, not thinking the TV is talking to me. Just repeating lines or sentences of what people say. Very strange to describe.

I’m not quite sure what all of this means. And I haven’t given up at all. Just writing out some of my observations.

Pam has gone through some more pain medication changes. She developed a severe allergic reaction to two of the drugs which previously helped her. Both were severe enough that we were ready to use the Epi-Pen and take her to the ER. She took some Benadryl which finally helped.

I feel so frastruted because I can’t help make her pain go away. We still have to see the physiatrist yet. So maybe he’ll come up with something.



11 Responses

  1. Wow David. I’m sorry for what you are going through and what Pam is experiencing, but thank you for providing us with a window into your mind.

  2. Hi David and Pam,

    I feel for both of you very much so. I can, because we are in the same boat.

    Cold weather will cause anyone to want to stay in and coast along where it is warm. Be it knit, or read a book. With whatever a person is content. I am glad you have your kniting.

    I feel sure Pam is having trouble working in the kitchen
    and especially at the sink or counter. That is bound to bring on a great deal of pain, especially since she is already having problems. Bless her heart.

    David it is with thankfulness that we heard from you. I have been concerned a long time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Pam. I hope you can find contentment in small things when possible.

    Both of you are loved and admired.

  3. David,
    I read your post with interest mingled with sadness for you and your wife.

    New changes in your behavior can be alarming. I was glad to read that you did think of Pam’s feelings before acting. I think that shows that you are still “here”.

    I hope that Pam finds some relief soon for her pain. I know how debilitating that can be.

    Thank you for taking the time to post this and to let us know where the two of you are.

    I have also been dealing with issues that have kept me from posting so I can understand how life’s other obstacles can get in the way.

  4. David, I admire you and your strengh. It takes a strong person to let us all into your private thoughts. Thank You and good luck to Pam.


  5. Dear David and Pam,
    Your clarity in describing both your behavior and reactions/emotions to the world around you is amazing.
    I always see my husband in a new light after reading your careful descriptions. Thank you for sharing your dual gifts of insight and clarity.
    I wish spring would hurry along for Pam’s sake. She needs support,compassionate physicians, and warm sunshine around her.
    A Grateful Reader,
    Jo Ann

  6. Hi David, Give Pam a “special warm hug” from us. When are you guys coming to Pgh again? Would you like to come for a bite to eat?
    What a day that will be when our Jesus we shall see. We shall look upon His face the one who saved us by His grace……oh what a day that will be. I remember KKulhman with her alto/tenor voice looking up and singing her heart out to that hymn “How great Thou Art”….my soul my Savior God to thee..how great Thou art….how great Thou art. Remember when you were little you thought that was the word was “sinks my soul” and you wondered why people were happy singing “sinks my soul.” Do you miss playing the piano? Maybe we should get you a keyboard to add to your hobbies.

    Hugs from Maggie & Bunky

  7. My sympathies to both of you. Your house sounds just like ours.

  8. David,
    I missed you very much. I will pray for Pam. Your observations are sharp and help me a lot. My Dad sits reading all day long sometimes and I think he wants to do something. He appears very comfortable. Thank you, David, for helping me be more comfortable just letting things be; it’s just living with Lewy. We’re going for a walk in two hours and that’s enough of a itinerary for Dad to handle. You have been so helpful day to day and Dad and I both thank you for the insights and reassurances. Warmest regards, Mark

  9. Dave, Thank you so much for your insightful comments about you and Pam.
    In caring for my beloved one, I like to take Don out for the music he loves when he is strong enough. Today is not one of those days.
    Music is a healer but he is too tired to be out with me today for the opera at the movie theater.

    Also your insight as to your urges helps me think about and cope with some of the inappropriate things that can happen and how better to assist Don.

    Keep writing, I depend on you!
    Thank you again for your many insights.

  10. My heart goes out to you both; I wish Pam could find a doctor, get something done instead of all this pain, pills that don’t help. You are such rocks for each other no matter how much the other is hurting.
    I understand what you’re going through a little David with your behavorial challenges as I’ve been having my own challenges. Wonderful you’re still in control!
    Wish I were there to give you both big gentle hugs; know I’m thinking, praying for both of you each day. Thank you for the updates on both of you. Love to you both, take care, kat

  11. Dear David,

    I read your post with mixed emotions: glad to hear from you again, but sad, too, for the problems you and Pam are facing. I am so grateful for your lucid, candid account of how things are going. You and Pam are in my prayers.

    with love,

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